My Journey through the wilderness part 3

 This is the final section of part of my early testimony, shortly after being born again into Christ.  

As I studied the Bible daily I could see that I could be one of two types of believers.  This fact was highlighted to me by the story related in Luke ch.18 vs.10 - 14, which reads:-  'Two men went up into the temple to pray: the one a Pharisee and the other a publican.  The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, 'God I thank thee that I am not as other men are, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even as this publican.  I fast twice in the week, I give tithes of all that I posses.'  And the publican, standing afar off would not lift up so much as his eyes unto heaven, but smote upon his breast, saying 'God be merciful to me a sinner.'  There was arrogance and pride in the Pharisee's prayer, but lowliness and humility in the prayer of the publican.  We are told that the publican went down to his house justified rather than the Pharisee.

This parable was spoken to some who trusted in their own righteousness and looked down on others.  I knew that I had no righteousness of my own and could only come before Jesus with the attitude of the publican.  I wrote these prayers to Him, and I believe He spoke back to me,  in the form of  songs.

Lord have mercy

Lord have mercy take pity on a poor man like me

I'm unworthy can't you see not holy like the Pharisee

have mercy on a sinner such as me

Some people say 'What good are you

you don't worship God as we'

but humility and honesty 

are what You're looking for in me

So Lord have mercy take pity on a poor man like me

I'm unworthy can't you see not holy like the Pharisee

have mercy on a sinner such as me

I want to dedicate my life to you

I want no fame nor wealth

I want to serve You with a heart that's true

but I can't do it by myself

So Lord have mercy take pity on a poor man like me

I'm unworthy can't You see not holy like the Pharisee

have mercy on a sinner such as me


Lost in the world

Lost in the world
I was entangled in sin and shame
Lord that was when I met You
Then from my grave I heard You calling
calling my name
with a voice that was gentle but true

'Turn around my child and look at me'
were the words that were piercing my heart
'Turn around from your sin - be set free
come to me and make a new start'

Then water so pure 
and crystal clear
was washing away
all my doubt and my fear
and the tears ran free 
as You said to me
'Weep no more child 
I have bought your peace
I have suffered in your place
all the blows the world has dealt you
I have taken on my face
Turn around turn around
and I will forgive
turn around turn around
turn around child and live

For I take no pleasure 
in the death of a soul
turn around seek my face child
and I'll make you whole

Strive no more child, I can bring release

I regained what you had lost

righteousness was purchased for you

when they nailed me to that cross

Turn around turn around

and I will forgive

turn around turn around

turn around child and live

For I take no pleasure in the death of a soul

turn around, seek my face child

and I'll make you whole

Sin no more child - turn and look at me
see that I have paid the price
so that You could have salvation
I became the sacrifice
Turn around turn around
and I will forgive
turn around turn around 
turn around child and live
For I take no pleasure in the death of a soul
turn around seek my face child 
and I'll make you whole

No I take no pleasure in the death of a soul
turn around seek my face child
and I'll make you whole

If we trust in Jesus He will lead us to that promised land.  There is no other way to be reconciled back to God.   1 Timothy ch.2 v.5 says:- 

There is One God and there is one mediator between God and man, the man Christ Jesus, who gave himself as a ransom for all.'

My final song I dedicate to that One God and His mediator:-

God sent His Son to us

God sent His Son to us 

ever to rule over us

Jesus came to teach us God's ways

here to take away the lies 

shining in life's darkened skies

evermore to brighten our days

He sent His Son to die

crucified for you and I

full of pain He hung on that tree

'though He was in agony

with words of love He begged for me

a pardon for my sins and set me free

Jesus walked upon the Earth

to buy for us our second birth

that we might see the Father some day

taking all the ridicule

from holy man and Godless fool

for you and me He always would pray
'Father look not on their sin
but change their stony heart within
I offer You Myself in their stead
Lay those painful stripes on Me
Oh Father set their spirits free
and place that thorny crown upon my head.'

He gave His life so willingly

that I might live eternally

And now I want that I should be

just like the One who died for me

Jesus Lord I call on Your name

Mold me shape me by Your will

tell my troubled soul 'Be still'

take away my sin and my shame

Jesus walk upon those waves

reach out to me the hand that saves

I'm sinking fast and don't know what to do

Lift me from this troubled sea

Oh Father change me destiny

and set me on the road back home to You

Lift me from this troubled sea

Oh Father change me destiny

and set me on the road back home to You

The whole of this three part testimony was written shortly after becoming born again and  being  baptised in the Holy Spirit.   In the letter that the apostle Paul wrote to Philemon he writes in verse 6 'and I pray that the sharing of your faith may promote the knowledge of all the good that is ours in Christ.', and this is what I believe sharing our testimonies does.  

There is a beautiful Welsh word 'dysgu', pronounced 'dusgee' The reason I say it is beautiful is because it means both to learn and to teach, and describes perfectly 2 Corinthians ch.1 vs.3 and 4, which says that we are comforted by God in all our troubles so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 

There is learning and teaching in our trials but both are brought about by the Holy Spirit, and all credit goes to God.

My Journey Through the wilderness Part 2

 Sure enough, it was not long before I was experiencing all the trials and temptations that the children of Israel had experienced.  The battles were many, just like theirs, only theirs had been physical and mine were spiritual.  Glimpses of an easier time in my old, sinful life flashed through my mind, just like their thoughts had turned to the cucumbers and melons they had enjoyed in Egypt instead of the daily 'manna' they had to eat in the wilderness.

 

Sometimes it was very hard to put into practice God's word, even though I knew it was for my own good.  I knew that I had to let go of all the things that were sinful in my nature, the things that opposed God.  I had to leave behind my old life, I had been born again of God's Spirit and now had to learn His ways.  I had to have my mind renewed in Christ.  My old way of life had brought separation from God, the spiritual death that all mankind had inherited through Adam.

As I was shown scripture in Colossians ch. 3 vs.5-10, telling me to 'put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. On account of these the wrath of God is coming.  In these you too once walked, when you were living in them.  But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth.  Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator.'  my natural mind told me 'impossible'.  However, by then I was already being shown that what was not possible with man was possible with God and my prayers to Him, and even what I felt were His instruction to me, had been coming out in a way which was completely extraordinary to me, in song and poem form.  



There were other scriptures which I was shown that the natural mind might interpret as harsh, as in DON'T DO THAT!!, but which my renewed mind was beginning to see more as a loving voice saying 'Child, I don't want you to be deceived into walking away from the blessings in Me'.  One of those scriptures was Hebrews ch. 6 vs. 4-6. 'For it is impossible in the case of those who have once been enlightened, who have tasted the heavenly gift, and have shared in the Holy Spirit, and have tasted the goodness of the Word of God and the powers of the age to come, and then have fallen away, to restore them to repentance, since they are crucifying once again the Son of God to their own harm and holding Him up to contempt.'  

  

The more I prayed to God to help me on my journey, the more He kept feeding me with the Word to instruct me, and giving me songs and poems of encouragement.  

The following are a song and poem that were written at particularly difficult stages of my Christian walk, and a scripture of encouragement that was given to me during that time.

Let go

Let go of the things that are holding you child

the things that will keep you from Me

each sin you hold onto is forming the crown 

that was placed on My head can't you see
Let the chains round your heart be unlocked by My love
let the light of My truth enter in
there's no longer a sentence of death on you child
if you'll only let go of your sin

Let go, let go of your burden my child
lift your eyes and look into My face
see the blood running out from the wound in My side
as I'm nailed to this cross in your place
see the water that flows from beneath My torn heart
it's a river of life to you now
but while you're holding on to the things of this world
there's a thorn pressing deep in My brow

So let go of the things that are drawing you back
to this world and its pleasures again
for although they appear to be joy for a while
they can only bring suffering and pain
I was wounded and pierced for the sins of this world
My stripes show the terrible price
and if you turn again from what I've saved you from
there remains no more sacrifice  


Put away the mirror child

Put away the mirror child  lay it on a shelf
it won't reflect perfection  it only shows you self
look into the well of life and see another face
the face of God the Father - full of truth and grace

This water  - it will cleanse you from the filthiness of sin
throw off the rags of this world - come son of Adam step in
Yes put away the mirror child and lay it on a shelf
lest you forget what God's making you 
.......... and become your former self

'Therefore brothers and sisters, we have an obligation - but it is not to the flesh, to live according to it.  For if you live according to the flesh, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live.  For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God.'  Romans ch.8 vs.12-14 

Thank You Father for sending us Your Holy Spirit which we could only receive through the amazing sacrifice of Your Son Jesus.  'By this He meant the Spirit, whom those who believed in Him were later to receive.  Up to that time the Spirit had not been given since Jesus had not yet been glorified'. John ch.7 v.39  


Easter Poem

Forever grateful Father
that You gave your precious Son
who, knowing His awesome destiny
said 'Not my will but Your will be done'
Yet it pleased You to bruise Him Father
so that I might have peace and be healed
for through this one act of sacrifice
was Your gift of salvation revealed

Forever remembering Jesus
that You hung upon that tree
taking the pain and punishment
that was meant for a sinner like me
Yet You chose not to open Your mouth Lord
and call on the Heavenly host
to come to Your aid on that lonely day
No...... You suffered and gave up the ghost

Forever Yours Holy Spirit
while You teach me and make all things clear
chastising me when I go astray
and wiping away each tear
Oh Father I love and respect You
and Jesus I want to obey
so guide me great Spirit and keep me
'til my Lord returns for me one day

Thanks be to God for His unspeakable gift.  2 Corinthians ch.8 v.15

My Journey through the wilderness - part 1

I came across some older writings of mine containing part of my early testimony and thought I would share it on my blog.  Although we put posts on our blogs, we can sometimes know very little of one another's testimonies so I thought it would be nice to share a little of mine on this post.   It will be in two or three parts because of the length of it.

Coming out of Egypt

I had not long come into the church and many Christians, wishing to help me in my Christian walk, brought me books and tapes on Christian doctrines, so many in fact that I began to feel swamped.  Up until that time I felt my teaching had been very pure, from the Holy Spirit, just God and me and the Bible.  Now I had all these different voices coming in from different directions, and when I tried to learn from these tapes and books they appeared to contradict one another.  So I asked God to show me what was true.  My prayer came out in the form of a song.

Crossroads

Father I ask You which road do I take
which sign points the way to Your throne
I'm stood at the crossroads of life and death
and I can't find the way on my own
I can't find the way on my own, my own

I can't find the way on my own                                         
I'm stood at the crossroads of life and death
and I can't find the way on my own

Show me the way Lord to blessing and life
I ask You to open my eyes
There's so many voices saying 'This is the way'
I can't tell the truth from the lies

So take my hand Jesus and lead me along 
the road leading back to my God
I want no great riches in this world of sin 
I need only Your staff and Your rod

God answered me through several scriptures that I knew the Holy Spirit was pointing out to me.  I was shown that when the Israelites were coming out of Egypt they were told to eat only unleavened bread (Exodus ch.13 v.3).  I could see that as a newly born Christian (part of God's spiritual Israel) I was at that stage spiritually, just coming out from the slavery of the world, so I too had to eat unleavened bread.  I wanted to know what these words meant spiritually, as the Bible tells us in 1 Corinthians ch. 2 v.14 'But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned.'  I wanted to know what God was telling me here.  

I could see from Matthew ch. 16 vs. 6 - 12 that the word 'leaven' referred to 'man added' doctrine.  'Be careful', Jesus said to them.  Be on your guard against the yeast of the Pharisees and Sadducees.'  They discussed this among themselves and said, 'It is because we didn't bring any bread.'  Aware of their discussion, Jesus asked, “You of little faith, why are you talking among yourselves about having no bread? Do you still not understand? Don’t you remember the five loaves for the five thousand, and how many basketfuls you gathered? Or the seven loaves for the four thousand, and how many basketfuls you gathered? How is it you don’t understand that I was not talking to you about bread? But be on your guard against the yeast of the Pharisees and Sadducees.” Then they understood that he was not telling them to guard against the yeast used in bread, but against the teaching of the Pharisees and Sadducees.

The whole of John ch. 6 is about Jesus being the bread of life.  He is also portrayed as the 'Word of God'  in John ch.1 v.1.  I felt the Holy Spirit was telling me that I had to receive the undoctrined word of God.  Some of the books and tapes that I had been given appeared to have teachings that were additional to, and which appeared to me to contradict, the scriptures.  The words that my father often spoke to settle arguments when issues arose amongst we his children, 'Let's see what the Lord says',  constantly came back to my mind, so I sought the Lord for His guidance and wisdom in my trials.   I also realized, as the Bible says, that the gate would be narrow and hard would be the road that led to life, (Matthew ch. 7 vs. 13,14), and there could be no compromising with the world if I was to serve God and work out my salvation. 

The children of Israel, on their journey to the promised land, had gone through many trials and temptations, and many had fallen on the way.  I would travel a similar journey and they would be an example to me of what to do and what not to do as I learned.  The Bible confirms this in Paul's first letter to the Corinthians in Corinthians ch.10 vs. 1 - 11 which reads 'For I do not want you to be ignorant of the fact, brothers and sisters, that our ancestors were all under the cloud and that they all passed through the sea.  They were all baptized into Moses in the cloud and in the sea.  They all ate the same spiritual food and drank the same spiritual drink; for they drank from the spiriutal rock that accompanied them, and that rock was Christ.  Nevertheless, God was not pleased with most of them; their bodies were scattered in the wilderness.  Now these things occurred as examples to keep us from setting our hearts on evil things as they did.  Do not be idolaters, as some of them were; as it is written: 'The people sat down to eat and drink and got up to indulge in revelry.'  We should not commit sexual immorality, as some of them did -and in one day twenty three thousand of them died. We should not test Christ, as some of them did and were killed by snakes.  And do not grumble, as some of them did and were killed by the destroying angel.  These things happened to them as examples and were written down as warnings for us, on whom the culmination of the ages has come.'

I did not want to fall so I prayed to God constantly to help me.  One of my prayers took the form of a poem which I called :-

No compromise

Father keep me faithful 
to all that I have heard
while listening to Your Spirit 
ground me in Your Word
Keep me on that path Lord 
upon that narrow road

no matter how hard the journey 
no matter how heavy the load
Lord keep me obedient 
to all You're telling me
release me from all worldly bonds
Father set me free

And Lord if I should grumble
saying 'Manna every day'
remind me of Your sacrifice
and the price You had to pay
Open up my ears Lord 
to all You're telling me


for Lord I know Your discipline
can only set me free
and God forbid that I should fall
because of unbelief
when seeking after worldly things
can only bring me grief


So if a soul should say to me
'Just a little compromise'

remind me that a little sin
is still sin in Your eyes
and who am I to tamper
with the perfect Word of God
when I know the One who holds the staff
can also use the rod
So Lord prepare that place for me
that mansion in the sky
for although I've not yet won the race
.... I'm really going to try